Third Rough Cut

Rough Cut 3 from Beth Cooper on Vimeo.

Audience Feedback on this latest edited version by three classmates, who represent the age of our target audience as well as our class teacher suggested that in order to improve this cut we should:

• Cut back to the phone ringing and add in SFX to the shots to mimic the vibrations of the phone, in the opening scenes of mise en scene close ups.
• Also add diegetic sound of the phones vibrations.
• Reverse the shot of the light bulbs to focused, then blurred, as this will tie better with our central protagonist, Callum waking up.
• Alter the sequence of shots to mix both mise en scene, bottles and cigarette packets etc with the extras cast asleep.
• Add more lip-syncing as Callum gets dressed.
• More shot variation during the fridge scene.
• Possibly add a close up shot of Callum opening the can, and using SFX put his face on the can lid.
• Possibly repeat the motion of the fridge shutting to match the beat, similar to the repetition of Callum running down the stairs
• Overlay Callum taking the cigarette of the girl sleeping on the floor to mask the slight shake of the camera
• De-saturation of red hues on the skateboarding scene
• Add more ghost trails on the long shots from the skateboarding scene or possibly just on the jumps
• Re-shoot the shot of the CD player in the car
• Add shots of the road, to increase shot variation in the car scene
• Re-shoot the scene in which Callum and Simon arrive at the party, as the shots are too long, they're poorly framed and they don't flow well into the next sequence of shots from the house party.
• Mix together shots of the rave and the kitchen scene with fast pace editing to create a more slowing transition.
• Alter the main shot of transition from our cast member Megan, to the DJ, to a transition of Megan to Megan down in the rave which would flow better.
• Layer some of the HD shots from the rave 
• Link the HD shots to the fisheye lens by panning down into a bottle creating a circular frame which is similar.
• Also improve the transition between the fisheye lens and the scene with Callum and our female cast member Vicky going upstairs in a similar way.
• Re-shoot the ending to make it less abrupt, we will film Callum putting his hand to the camera to signify the end.